It does not seem like it should be November already. I cannot imagine where the time has gone. In less than a year, Our Soldier has graduated basic training, went to National Training Center, and has been deployed to Afghanistan. My Handy Man and I seem to be living in a suspended bubble where nothing seems quite right until Our Soldier is back on American soil once more.
As a mother, I cannot even begin to put into words what it feels like to have your child on the far side of the world in a very hostile area. The best way I can think to convey how I feel is that it feels like I am trying to breathe through a wet washcloth with a corset cinched around my ribs and a vise gripping my heart harder with each beat. And the closer it gets to time for his deployment to be over with, the more anxious I feel.
I have terrible dreams, the likes of which, I will not voice. If I go for a few days without hearing from him, I begin to imagine all kinds of horrible scenarios. And I know my imagination has to be much worse than the reality, but whenever one brings a child into this world, it is impossible not to want to wrap them in an embrace that protects them from everything bad in this world and never lets go. At least, that is how it should be. Sadly, that is not the reality for some people.
I know that My Handy Man feels some, if not all, of these things as well. He is usually pretty close-lipped about how all this makes him feel. Maybe it is because he is a man and men usually are not as vocal about feelings and fears. Maybe. Though, I suspect it is because he is a veteran of the United States Army as well. He probably knows better than anyone what Our Soldier is going through on a daily basis.
And both of my soldiers happen to be doers rather than talkers. If either one of them is asked, they would both say that actions speak louder than words. I would have to agree. It does not do any good to talk about doing something or making a change unless one actually does something or makes a change. Though it does make me wonder sometimes if I am the only one feeling this way.
Please do not get me wrong. I am so proud of Our Soldier. And, I am equally as proud of My Handy Man. I would not change either of them for all the gold in the world. I just cannot wait until they are both in the same country again. Once that happens, I will be able to breathe once more. Until then, I will be here watching and waiting.